Light Dawns in the Darkness…

THE FOLLOWING WAS POSTED IN 2017 AND RE-POSTED AT THE REQUEST OF A FRIEND

It was a cool September morning this past Friday; the twenty ninth of the month, to be exact… and I was driving to work at 6:50 in the morning and I thought to myself; “When did it get to be so dark out? How did I not see the cloud of darkness coming?"

“Just last week at this exact time it was sunny!”; I reason with myself…pondering a bit more I asked; “Or was it just this past Monday?”

When did it get to be so dark at 6:50 in the morning? How had the summer skies given way to the impending darkness that would be my normality for the next five or six months? 

Gone were the morning drive times filled with sunshine and bright skies.

Gone were the sunny mornings that greeted me and made my drive from my home in St. Paul to my office in Minneapolis.

Really; “When did it get to be so dark out? When did this darkness creep up and slowly descend upon me? How had I not seen it coming?"

Recently, I realized that another cloud of darkness came upon me as well.  At first glance it seemed that it had come with the same sudden and unforeseen entrance as the shifting of the time for sunrise had been this past week.

It came up slowly, almost methodically and even when it was fully encapsulating me I didn’t see at; not at first anyway.

In fact, it wasn’t until my wife Cathy brought it to my attention that I, too, saw that a cloud of darkness had settled over my life and pondered; “When did it get to be so dark out?” When did this darkness creep up and slowly descend upon me? How had I not seen it coming?

But as I have looked back over the previous months I realized that the signs had been there all along; in fact, others also saw them and some had asked Cathy what was going on with me…

I had been persistently sad, anxious, and feeling "empty". I felt hopeless, pessimistic, guilty, worthless, helpless… and times I was irritable.

Some days I had difficulty concentrating, remembering, and making decisions. I was restless and instead of working less, I pressed in and doubled up my efforts, and worked more! Even that I was blind to, as most workaholics are…

At a couple of times, I dodged thoughts of suicide; which were easily dismissed as I thought about my family and didn’t want to inflict pain upon them; so I pushed the thoughts away.

At times I had a loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities, including spending time with my wife. I had decreased energy, fatigue, felt slowed down. I struggled with both a low appetite and other times overeating and weight gain.

At times I had insomnia and frequently woke up early in the morning and then couldn’t get back to sleep.

The worst part for me is that nothing seemed to really satisfy my soul; I couldn’t “hear” God speaking to me. I am a follower of Jesus Christ; a Christian. And one of my daily rituals is spending time reading the Bible, and for two solid months the words were dead to me; no revelation or life.

During this time, attending church was merely a religious activity that I did each week as I desperately longed for a real encounter with the living God.

Worship was dry and even the distant memories of times of refreshing added to my sadness as I remembered them and compared them to my present “reality”.

Yes, I was grateful for times spent with my wife and family and friends; but deep in my soul my heart was dying for life!

-

When did it get to be so dark in my life? How had the “sunny days” given way to the impending darkness that would be my normality for the next few months? 

It wasn’t something I planned or wanted (or as I soon discovered) was able to talk myself out of. And because I don’t struggle with depression, I didn’t realize what was happening.

Yes, I have highs and lows, but not depression. In fact, this, to my knowledge, was only the second time in my life that I was in a cloud of darkness called “depression”.

It had enveloped me and became a “second skin” that I was aware of, but not cognitive to the point where I did anything more that try to shake it off. I thought that I was just having a “bad day” …

I was deep in a darkness that had so become my normality, that even the reality of all that was good in my life still didn’t shake my sadness.

Telling myself to work harder and longer didn’t help either because anxiety and depression is just plain rotten and its effects tore apart my very soul! 

As I looked back over several months, I concluded that I had some unresolved pain or trauma or issues that I had not dealt with and my body, soul, mind, and spirit were crying out for me to pay attention; something was wrong!

And I needed to be OK with not being able to pull it all together and charge ahead. I needed to be OK with letting others know that I wasn’t “fine” and that I needed their help.

I will admit that it can seem to be so embarrassing to say “HELP, I NEED CARE!”  But we all do, you know.  Burnout is serious. Depression is serious. Not being able to get free is serious. Being so deep in it that I was blind to the cloud is serious!

It’s hard for me to take off the mask and admit that I am hurting; especially when I wasn’t aware that I had been running on auto pilot and was very low on fuel.

I came to realize that it is God’s desire to point this out to me (and to others who love me and whom He will also use to revive my soul). Restoring me takes first place on His agenda; He really wants me to be whole.  

I needed to be OK with stepping out of the traffic and taking a long, loving look at God and to be still, knowing that He is God (see Psalm 46:10)

I needed God to remind me that I was a part of something bigger than me; I am a member of the Body of Christ. He had others who needed me to get healthy, but not me trying to figure out how to do it or putting on a mask of appearing to be healthy.

I needed to just be who I was at that movement; someone who was hurting and be OK with that. NO MASKS!  Most of all, forgive myself for mistakes of the past.  God has never cut me off from His love.  I needed to take it!  I AM LOVED!

I am happy to write that in time, worship and revelation in His Word returned to me. My heart knows God wants to fill the broken places with His Spirit! Bible reading and church are life giving once again! And songs of worship once again greeted me as I awakened each day new day.

I wish that I could write this today and share with you that everything is OK; but it is not…my metaphorical batteries still need recharging (or replacing) and my fuel tanks are still low.

I am realizing that I still can be set off and become discharged very easily…I still need rest and recuperation throughout my day, evening, and (especially) throughout the night.

But I am aware and I do feel and I am starting to see light breaking into my life replacing the cloud that has been my “reality.

And I need to still be OK with the process of God to bring complete healing to me. But that His job and I need to be good with letting Him do it as He sees fit; after all, it is not only His job; it is all about Him and His namesake.

Dear reader, I am not sure where you are at today or why you chose to read this longer than usual blog. I didn’t write it to draw attention to myself or to come across as one who had any real answers. I simply wrote to make some sense of my life as my distorted mind tries to play games with me.

 

But if you, too, are struggling with depression, I do feel great compassion and concern for you, because you too need rest and recuperation.

Is God’s voice pretty silent right now?  I imagine it is for you (and in some areas, it still is for me). In that place it’s hard to hear encouragement and I understand.

My exhortation is that you simply let God come and rescue you. Let Him take you to where you need to go.

Let God be the One who removes the darkness and brings light back to your shattered world.

Let God bring the healing and relief that you so desperately long for. Hope is not beyond your reach; but let Him do the work.

Your part is to simply cooperate with what He tells you to do; He is asking you to trust Him.

So, let go my soul and trust in Him; the wind and waves still know His Name

If you find yourself today in a similar state of mind and you are trying to push through in your own strength, my exhortation to you is to STOP…and REST!

Jesus longs for you to call out to Him today.

He is waiting for you to respond to His mercy and grace that has already been extended to you through Jesus Christ. And you can; today. And it can make all the difference in the world as you look for hope in your present world. Let Him bring you REST.

Need further help? Someone is waiting to talk with you. Call either: 1-888-NEED HIM or 1-877-2GRAHAM (1-877-247-2426).

"Light dawns in the darkness for the upright; he is gracious, merciful, and righteous." (Psalm 112:4 ESV)

      Pastor Tommy Oestreich 

© 2017 River of Hope Ministries. All Rights Reserved                                 

What Will You Choose To Do?

Three Crosses were on the hill where Jesus was crucified.

Three very different crosses were represented that day.

Oh, they looked the same, all of them caused death, but they were very different indeed. (see LUKE 23: 32-43)

CROSS #1 HAD A THIEF.

“Then one of the criminals who were hanged blasphemed Him, saying, ‘If you are Christ, save Yourself and us.” (Luke 23:39)

On a cross; paying for his own sins. Ignorant of who is there beside him. He didn’t ask for answers; he blasphemed Jesus.

This man didn’t want God. He wanted to mock Him. He rejected Jesus.

God never wanted to send this thief on the cross to hell. He was sending himself to hell.

CROSS #2 HAD A THIEF.

“But the other, answering, rebuked him, saying, Do you not even fear God, seeing you are under the same condemnation? And we indeed justly, for we receive the due reward of our deeds, but this Man has done nothing wrong. Then he said to Jesus, Lord, remember me when You come into Your kingdom.” (Luke 23:40)

He was on his own cross; still paying for his sins. He was hoping that Jesus might also remember him; or put in a good word for him.

He was, in a sense, trusting religion to save him.

This cross will never get you right with God. This thief is simply on the wrong cross; dying to pay for his own sins: “for we receive the due reward of our deeds” (Luke 23:41)

CROSS #3 HAD A SAVIOR.

JESUS; doing what He was sent to do.

Now, you may ask like the soldiers (Luke 23:37) or the thief on the cross (Luke 23:39) “If He was the Christ, why didn’t He come down from the cross?”

But He couldn’t because there was no other way; except by staying on the cross; to pay the penalty for your sins and mine. His blood ALONE paid it all.

Luke 22:42 saying, Father, if You are willing, remove this cup from Me. Yet not My will, but Yours be done.

2 Corinthians 5:21 For He has made Him who knew no sin, to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.

Jesus ALONE took our place and paid for our sins.

His cross ALONE made a way for us to be right with God.

On His cross ALONE is the way to eternal life. No one can add to what Jesus did to save us.

Our past, present, and future sins are all forgiven; Jesus paid the price for all.

We simply need to confess our sins and put our complete trust on what He did thru His death, burial, and resurrection. (1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.)

SO WHICH CROSS ARE YOU ON?
#1 Paying for your own sins as you reject Jesus’ sacrifice.
#2 Paying for your own sins hoping God remembers you.
#3 Dead to you; trusting in the cross of Jesus Christ

One chose to curse out to God that day.

One chose to call out to God that day.

One chose to give His life as a ransom for all.

SO WHICH CROSS ARE YOU ON? Have you honestly & objectively taken your life’s goals to the Lord and surrendered it all to His plans for your life?

Do your goals feed your ego more than they honor the Lord?

Are you willing to change your goals if the Lord tells you to?

“NO” to what I want; and YES to what God wants; and nothing else in between.

Matthew 16:24 Then Jesus said to His disciples, If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow Me.

Stuck in an Elevator Between the 7th and 8th Floor

I was thinking about elevators the other day just before going with Cathy to watch the Minnesota Wild play the Ottawa Senators. I’m not sure why.

I was pondering how some people really struggle with a fear of elevators.

For some it is “claustrophobia”, which is the fear of enclosed spaces. Because an elevator is a small and confined box, it is easy to see how it could cause a claustrophobic reaction. 

For others it is “agoraphobia”, which is the fear of being trapped in a situation in which escape would be difficult or impossible should a panic attack occur.

For others it is the fear of being stuck between floors in an elevator; which has no name.

Trapped, stuck with (seemingly) no way of ever getting out….

As my mind pondered this, I found myself taking stairs at the Excel Energy Center instead of taking the elevators. Cathy probably thought that I was just being healthy by using the stairs.

And yet, did you know that elevators are safer than cars? They really are.

And still many people struggle with this fear.

As I pondered this, I realized how this was an allegory for how people can actually get stuck in real life between a problem and a solution.

Specifically, I was pondering how many people, when struggling with area of sin in their life, will head to Romans chapter seven in the Bible.

In this section of scripture, the Apostle Paul deals with the very real struggle of sinning and not sinning. Paul wrote:

 “For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do.” (7:15) “For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice.” (7:19)

Then Paul ends in this great theological question:

 “O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?” (7:24)

That is where many people stop reading, concluding that they are prone to sin and are not able to get unstuck. It is as though fear has gripped their hearts and minds and they see no way out of their struggle.

 

And this is where way too many people live; stuck between chapter seven and chapter eight.

But Paul has more to say; in fact, he answers his own question in the very next verse:

“I thank God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!” (7:25)

But that is only part way where we need to go. Metaphorically, it is like we are “stuck in an elevator between the seventh and eighth floor”.

Chapter eight is filled with great promises of HOPE that our battle with sin isn’t supposed to be fought on our own. WE have a team which is ready and able to help us.

We read in chapter eight that there is no condemnation when we “do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.” (8:1)

We read that “what the law could not do in that it was weak through the flesh, God did by sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, on account of sin: He condemned sin in the flesh.” (8:3)

We read that he has put the Spirit of His Son in us by which we cry out “Daddy!” to Him (8:15)

We read that we don’t do it alone; “Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God.” (8:26-27)

We read that “all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” (8:28)

Paul continues:

 “What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things? Who shall bring a charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. Who is he who condemns? It is Christ who died, and furthermore is also risen, who is even at the right hand of God, who also makes intercession for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? 8:31-35)

Paul goes on to hammer the point home and get us unstuck between chapter seven and eight by writing:

 “Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (8:37-38)

In fact, you should probably read seven and eight in one sitting; I’ve only hit a few of the verses.

So, the next time you are struggling and make your way to Romans chapter seven, don’t stop and get stuck, keep reading on to chapter eight.

This way you don’t have to try to live life “stuck in an elevator between the seventh and eighth floor”.

All Scripture taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

You Don't Scare Me

Do you like things that bring fear? Are you easily frightened? Does the thought of things that go bump in the night cause you to hide under your covers? Are you scared by the unknown?

Are you afraid of being afraid?

Isn’t this what Halloween is all about; doing things that elevate our fears?

Simply put, I don’t like to put myself into situations that produce fear and that includes fear-filled movies, roller coasters or barrel rolls in airplanes.

And, as a dad, I made it a point to not intentionally put fear in my children. I wanted them to not be afraid of what may or may not be ‘out there’.

It’s probably why I don’t celebrate Halloween. For me, there is enough ‘horror’ in this life that I don’t need or want to celebrate it.

Just watching the average newscast, you will find way too much that is overwhelming and painful or frightfully shocking, terrifying, or revolting and full of fear.

No thanks, I’ve had enough and I don’t want to celebrate being afraid.

As a Christian, I’ve come to trust that either the Lord is in control or else He is not; period.

So, I don’t allow fear to fill me with what might happen; especially for things that I can’t control like falling down or that an airplane could crash or that I might eat meat that is too rare or having a lightning bolt give me a lethal shock or dying…they don’t scare me!

I also would say that I don’t tend to back down from things that go bump in the night.

Yes, I have a ‘healthy fear’ that prevents me from doing stupid things; but I don’t run away.

This goes back to the days of my youth when I was told by an older neighbor kid to ‘hit the biggest kid on the other side and take his legs out’.

The bigger they were the more I pressed in to taking them out! This was true for football as well as hockey.

My friends, we don’t need to be scared!

We can believe the Word of God which tells us over and over again; “Don’t be afraid” and “Do not be terrified or dismayed”. 

Why? Because “the Lord your God is with you…”

The Apostle John wrote it in the Bible;

 “You are of God, little children, and have overcome them, because He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.” (1 John 4:4)

I love how the Apostle Paul wrote it in the Bible;

“So when this corruptible has put on incorruption, and this mortal has put on immortality, then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written: “Death is swallowed up in victory.”  “O Death, where is your sting? O Hades, where is your victory?” The sting of death is sin, and the strength of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your labor is not in vain in the Lord.” (1 Corinthians15:54-58 NKJV)

Today, this day, step out of the dredges of fear and what may happen.

Celebrate life, not death.

Stop letting things scare you and start enjoying what IS.

Learn to trust in the Lord who is able to keep you from falling and deliver you from death.

 “For You have delivered my soul from death. Have You not kept my feet from falling, that I may walk before God In the light of the living? (Psalm 56:13 NKJV)

The Seventy Sevens - You Don't Scare Me - 9 - All Fall Down (1984)

"Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved."

Troubled By Taffeta

"What did she say?” I asked Cathy while we were watching a television program. One of the main characters, a high school girl, had been ironing a dress and ruined it. Apparently one is not supposed to iron dresses made with taffeta.

"Taffeta"; replied Cathy.

"That's not a word!" I said, wondering if I had misunderstood what the person had said.

"Actually it is a word"; Cathy said as she looked surprised that I hadn't heard the word before.

"I know that's not a word!" I said grabbing my phone to look it up on my dictionary app.

"Actually IT IS a word"; Cathy said as she looked surprised that I hadn't used the word in a sentence or read it before.

I searched for in the dictionary and I discovered that apparently it is a real word and has been used since 1325.

The word taffeta means:

"a medium-weight or light-weight fabric of acetate, nylon, rayon, or silk, usually smooth, crisp, and lustrous, plain-woven, and with a fine crosswise rib effect. Any of various other fabrics of silk, linen, wool, etc., in use at different periods"

"Am I the only person who hasn't heard of or used the word "taffeta"?"; I thought to myself and set off to take a poll.

Several times over the next several weeks I randomly asked friends and loved ones if they had ever heard the word taffeta and ALL of them had; except for the stranger I asked who replied; "Yo no hablo ingles"

How is it I made it this far in life without hearing this word? Even as I type this blog spellcheck recognizes it as a real word!

 

While telling my dilemma to one of my daughters, she joined the rest of the world in letting me know that it was indeed a real word. I felt a little better when her husband said that he hadn't heard it before.

My latest was discovering that I all these years I had been spelling “doughnuts” wrong; I always spelled is as “donuts”!

So, how do you REACT when you don’t know something that “EVERYONE” else seems to know? Angry? Defensive? Explosive?

Well, at least I know what the word “circumlocution” means; do you? Oh you do? Never mind…

How do you FEEL when you don’t know something that “EVERYONE” else seems to know? Awkward? Left out? Stupid?

Do you withdraw or draw closer?

Do you take the opportunity to learn and to grow? Or do you use it as another reason to believe you don’t matter?

Just because we don’t know EVERYTHING doesn’t mean that what we do know isn’t important or valuable.

It’s amazing how quickly not knowing something can cause us to go into a tailspin; as though our validation comes only from others opinions of us.

When this happens; we need to look deeply at how we are allowing wrong thoughts to influence what we think about ourselves.

We need to let Jesus bring affirmation and validation in way that ONLY He can bring it.

We need to RUN to Him for validation, affirmation, and purpose.

We need to run to the Word of God to allow it to transform what we think to what God says about us.

The Word of God says:

“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord.
“And My ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.

For just as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so My ways are higher than your ways
and My thoughts higher than your thoughts. (Isaiah 55:8-9)

“How precious are Your thoughts about me, O God.
They cannot be numbered!
I can’t even count them;
they outnumber the grains of sand!
And when I wake up,
You are still with me!” (Psalm 139:17-18)

“Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
 Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.… (Psalm 139:14)

“See how very much our Father loves us, for He calls us His children, and that is what we are!” (1 John 3:1)

Are you struggling with thoughts of rejection; and in need of affirmation and validation that you are loved?

I know that you may feel worthless at this moment and really need some encouragement and hope in your life. I know that nothing seems to be going right for you and you conclude that you need to quit. But don’t quit before God is done with your situation. He really can fix anything!

I know that right now all you might be feeling is sadness and you don’t see any way out of your current situation. I really do know; I, too, have been there a couple different times in at life. I know what it is like to struggle with wanting to end the anguish NOW and feeling that there is no hope. But there is HOPE that things can change. They really can; I promise you.

Have you had enough of what this world has to offer and want true freedom?

Someone is waiting to talk with you. Call either:

1-888-NEED HIM or 1-877-2GRAHAM (1-877-247-2426).

NOTE: “circumlocution” means: a roundabout or indirect way of speaking; the use of more words than necessary to express an idea.

All Scripture is from the New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.