It's Not About You

For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us (Romans 8:18).

"I kept for nearly a year the flask-shaped cocoon of an emperor moth. It is very peculiar in its construction. A narrow opening is left in the neck of the flask, through which the perfect insect forces its way, so that a forsaken cocoon is as entire as one still tenanted, no rupture of the interlacing fibers having taken place.

The great disproportion between the means of egress and the size of the imprisoned insect makes one wonder how the exit is ever accomplished at all -- and it never is without great labor and difficulty. It is supposed that the pressure to which the moth's body is subjected in passing through such a narrow opening is a provision of nature for forcing the juices into the vessels of the wings, these being less developed at the period of emerging from the chrysalis than they are in other insects.

I happened to witness the first efforts of my prisoned moth to escape from its long confinement. During a whole forenoon, from time to time, I watched it patiently striving and struggling to get out. It never seemed able to get beyond a certain point, and at last my patience was exhausted. Very probably the confining fibers were drier and less elastic than if the cocoon had been left all winter on its native heather, as nature meant it to be. At all events I thought I was wiser and more compassionate than its Maker, and I resolved to give it a helping hand. 

With the point of my scissors I snipped the confining threads to make the exit just a very little easier, and lo! immediately, and with perfect case, out crawled my moth dragging a huge swollen body and little shriveled wings. In vain I watched to see that marvelous process of expansion in which these silently and swiftly develop before one's eyes; and as I traced the exquisite spots and markings of divers colors which were all there in miniature, I longed to see these assume their due proportions and the creature to appear in all its perfect beauty, as it is, in truth, one of the loveliest of its kind. But I looked in vain. 

My false tenderness had proved its ruin. It never was anything but a stunted abortion, crawling painfully through that brief life which it should have spent flying through the air on rainbow wings.

I have thought of it often, often, when watching with pitiful eyes those who were struggling with sorrow, suffering, and distress; and I would fain cut short the discipline and give deliverance. Short-sighted man! How know I that one of these pangs or groans could be spared? The far-sighted, perfect love that seeks the perfection of its object does not weakly shrink from present, transient suffering. 

Our Father's love is too true to be weak. Because He loves His children, He chastises them that they may be partakers of His holiness. With this glorious end in view, He spares not for their crying. Made perfect through sufferings, as the Elder Brother was, the sons of God are trained up to obedience and brought to glory through much Tribulation."

-Author Unknown

The Legacy of A Grandpa

 “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,
The fruit of the womb is a reward.
Like arrows in the hand of a warrior,
So are the children of one’s youth.
Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them;
They shall not be ashamed,
But shall speak with their enemies in the gate.” (Psalm 127:3-5 NKJV)

At the time of this writing, Cathy and I have been married together for over 34 years. We have six adult children, two daughters-in-law, two sons-in-law, one granddaughter, and four grandsons. That’s seventeen of us including Cathy and I (and a few more when you add in the ones who are dating). I would say that we have quite a FULL quiver!


In 2011, I was on a journey to discover what I was supposed to do with the rest of my life as a minister. I had been working the past few years “bi-vocationally” and the Lord seemed to be leading me back into “full-time” ministry. 


To be totally transparent, I hadn’t really been thinking about grandchildren being a part of the answer because, although I had one grandchild at that time, I hadn’t seen any connection with her and “ministry”. I was thinking about my call to preach and teach and evangelize and to be a pastor. 


I set aside some time and took a sabbatical to seek the Lord. I had several opportunities that had crossed my mind and my path and I was determined to be wherever I was called to serve. Some of the questions that I pondered were:

• Who can I pour my life into?
• Who can I influence to walk closer to the Lord?
• How will I leave a legacy for those I love?

As I prayed, a passage came to me several times so I paid attention to it. It was Deuteronomy 4:9 which says;  “Only take heed to yourself, and diligently keep yourself, lest you forget the things your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life. And teach them to your children and your grandchildren,” (Deuteronomy 4:9 NKJV)


“Teach them to your children” I had understood that, but, again, I hadn’t really thought about my role to teach them to my grandchildren. I guess I had seen my child rearing days as over and my role as a grandpa was to give them all of the stuff that makes them happy!

 

But after pondering that passage, I came to a conclusion that no matter what I did in “ministry”, I was called to be grandpa. This was as important as my calling to preach and teach and evangelize and to be a pastor. And the conviction was so strong that I knew that it would even affect where we potentially lived as well as where I worked.

 

Ok, I was called, by the Lord, to be a grandpa; but how? I had helped sow seeds of the gospel into my own children, but that was easier because they lived with me and because Cathy and I were on the same page as to how we wanted to raise our children. We, together, pressed in to teach what we’ve seen and heard to our children.

 

But these were not my own children; they were my grandchildren and they didn’t live with us all the time. And, I wanted to be respectful of how my own children are raising their children. I realized that my role in my grandchildren’s lives was not to be taken for granted; it was something that their parents would have to choose to give me.

 

As I pressed into this call, I did practical things like once again get out the children’s books that had been instrumental as we raised our own children in the ways of the Lord. This included both old Bibles that were worn from years of use as well as purchasing some new books that would help sow some seeds for the gospel into the lives of these young ones.

 

But mostly, I would come to understand that it meant spending time with my grandchildren, not “proselytizing”, but loving them and taking care of them. In one sense it would become more “friendship evangelism”. TIME = LOVE and I needed to be someone who simply loved them as I looked for opportunities to tell them about the Lord.

 

As I prayed about what that would look like, I was also reminded of the examples of my dad and Cathy’s dad who both sowed into the lives of my children by spending time with them and praying for them.

 

Also, my maternal grandpa came to mind. His impact on my life is part of the impetus for me to be a good grandpa to my grandchildren; for me to love as I was loved. 

 

I miss my grandpa Richard even right now as I write these words. He was a good man, loving, laughing, and fun to be with. I felt safe with him no matter where we were. I love the smell of the cabin and equally his home that smelled like pipe tobacco and a fireplace. He loved to hunt pheasant and other waterfowl and loved to fish.

 

I remember that I always liked being with him; no matter what we were doing. I remember taking row boat rides with him and sitting in lawn chairs watching water skiers on the Fourth of July. I remember taking walks with him at the lake for many reasons including taking egg shells and coffee grounds to his worm box, looking for mushrooms to eat for breakfast, or simply for him to show me something in nature and teach me about it.

 

I remember sitting alongside of him in the living room of my parent’s house as together we looked through a large picture window at the pond across the street as he pointed out to me the variety of ducks and other wildlife that he was able to see.

 

I remember his workshop in his home and drill press and the smell of “cutting oil”. He always made me feel welcome in his shop. He was an artist who worked in a variety of materials including carving wood, making rings from stones, making sculptures from found objects such as driftwood and walnuts, and from metal.

 

He was, as I look back, one of the first men or persons that I know that I loved and felt loved by. He wore glasses even though he didn’t even need them to be able to see!

 

Occupationally, he was a salesman of some sort; at least that is what I recall that he did because I never really knew him that way; except for the Cadillac that he drove. I simply knew him as a grandpa who took time to be with me and invited me to be with him.

 

My grandpa didn’t tell me about love; he simply loved me as he spent time with me.

 

That would be the legacy that I would give as a grandpa. I would let my grandchildren know about the Lord by being someone who loved them. My commissioning would be to simply love them and take time to be with them, dropping everything else to be available for them.

 

Over these past five years as I have walked out this role as a grandpa to my quiver full of grandchildren (and room for so many more!) I have learned to get into the rhythm of what that means because I am determined to free up my schedule to simply be with them.

 

And yes, sometimes a phone call, text, funeral, wedding, or some other ministry situation has had to take my time, but each and every time I would schedule my time with my grandchildren so that it would not be at their expense. 

 

This means being more spontaneous with each and every opportunity that presents itself; including taking day trips to Lindstrom, Duluth, and Parker’s Prairie (north of Alexandria, MN) to be able to hold each of them and let each of them know that they are loved.

 

This means taking walks or skating or having tea parties or eating ice cream on the porch even when my batteries are drained from pouring out to others who needed ministry earlier in the day.

 

Yes, I am determined to leave a legacy with those who call me grandpa because I am exhorted in the Bible:

 

“Just make sure you stay alert. Keep close watch over yourselves. Don’t forget anything of what you’ve seen. Don’t let your heart wander off. Stay vigilant as long as you live. Teach what you’ve seen and heard to your children and grandchildren.” (Deuteronomy 4:9 MSG)

 

That is how I can fulfill my call by the Lord to be a grandpa.

 

All Scriptures from New King James Version (NKJV) © 1984 Thomas Nelson                    

All Scriptures from The Message (MSG) © 1993 by Eugene H. Peterson

 

What’s so great about being “Empty Nesters”?

We have been "empty-nesters" for a few years and this seems to be the goal for so many couples. Me; I am so grateful to be a dad and grandfather who is able to have so many opportunities to reconnect with my children and grandchildren at various times.

I love the drop-ins and stop-ins and pop-ins! I love it when I am up in my office in my home and I hear one of my children coming up the stairs to simply let me know that that they stopped over to pick something up. And that they wanted to say; “Hi”.

I love it when we get the last minute calls of; “Hey can you…babysit…or help me with…or stop over and… I LOVE IT!

That is why we moved our home office to the third floor of our house and set up guest rooms. Our house may be “empty” during parts of our week, but we want to be ready for opportunities for our children and grandchildren to spend the night or to join us for a meal (or two or three…).

(To my children and grandchildren who I’m not always able to connect with because of schedules or the proximity of your house to mine, please know how fondly I think about you and miss you when we are apart...)

When I was praying about some job opportunities over the past few years (some which would require Cathy and I to relocate) these scriptures became the anchor to part of our decision (Deuteronomy 4:9):

“Just make sure you stay alert. Keep close watch over yourselves. Don’t forget anything of what you’ve seen. Don’t let your heart wander off. Stay vigilant as long as you live. Teach what you’ve seen and heard to your children and grandchildren.” (MSG)

“Only take heed to yourself, and diligently keep yourself, lest you forget the things your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life. And teach them to your children and your grandchildren” (NKJV)

We knew that part of what we are called to do is to continue to be parents to our adult children and to “start the process over” by teaching our grandchildren the ways of the Lord. We know that we are called to keep our empty nest full as part of the blessing of the Lord.

“Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them.” (Psalm 127:4-5a)

New King James Version (NKJV) The Holy Bible, New King James Version Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc.

Steve Green- "Children are a Treasure from the Lord"