An Open Letter to My Parents

Hi Dad and Mom

Please forgive the “formalness” of this letter. I am typing this because if I hand wrote it would probably be harder to read; and I have a bad habit of relying on spell check rather than a dictionary.

I was thinking of the two of you when I was out for a walk the other day and I became very grateful for all that you have done for me; for our family over the years.

In particular, I wanted to write down a couple of things that came to mind.

You both sacrificed so much of your time, emotions, sleep, finances; your physical health to provide for all of us children over our lifetimes.

But more than the physical provisions; of which I am tremendously grateful, it is the spiritual heritage that I felt led to comment on.

I know that I did some things right as a dad and husband, but I know that it was God who chose to hear your prayers and change the course of history.

Mom and Dad; Thank you for not quitting on your marriage; for leaving a legacy of hope that marriages can be “born again”. Thank you for praying Cathy and I through the times of turbulence in our marriage.

Thank you for discipling me when I came to the Lord in college. I am forever grateful for the simple daily devotionals that the three of us would do at the counter in the kitchen. It was during those times that I developed a love for the Bible and reading it from cover to cover.

Thank you for teaching me to trust the Lord for His provision by seeking first His Kingdom and His Righteousness.

MOM; you started this. It was you who followed the Lord’s leading as you wondered what had happened to Chris and Sue Steven’s life to make them appear so different.

It was you who said “yes” to Angie’s invitation to “come and see”.

It was you who invited dad to “come and see”.

It was you who stood in the gap and prayed for your children.

It was you who said “yes” to allowing the Lord to make changes in all areas of your life.

It was your prayers and tears and intercessions that prayed all of us boys into the Kingdom of God. All of your sons are at a place where they long to follow and serve the Lord with their whole heart.

The results of your prayers are seen in the lives of those who we have touched in ministry; formally, or behind the scenes. 

Galatians 6:9 says; “And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.”

Proverbs 31:28 says; “Her children rise up and call her blessed; Her husband also, and he praises her.”  

You are blessed, and your sons are blessed, and the next generations (should Jesus tarry) will be blessed because you chose life in Jesus when you were presented with the option.

We couldn’t have done it without you. Thank you Mom.

DAD; you too were a part of all of this. More than what you did by becoming a Catholic and all that it cost you, it was the legacy of seeking God that you deposited.

 

I remember you going on retreats when we were kids and going to novenas and taking us to St. Joseph’s; trying to seek the Lord as best you knew how.

When mom came to the Lord, you, too, surrendered after you (like a Berean) sought for truth in following Jesus and baptism in the Holy Spirit.

You, too, were willing to say “yes” to allowing the Lord to make changes in all areas of your life.

You also have stood in the gap for so many people; including your children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren.

On my walk, I remember a men’s retreat that we both attended where one of the talks was on how to raise your children in the Lord.

You, Tom Langlois, Joe Rowan, and Marv were hit with the frustration and tears as you expressed; “Where was this when we were starting out as young parents?” I remember several of us standing up and requesting; “Help us to raise our children, the next generation”.

As I look at my sons, I realize that your cries, your prayers that day were heard by a God who, too, wanted to see a godly heritage; and your sons and my sons are the result of that. Joshua and Jonathan are my hope of a new generation that will do it right; and the world will be a better place!

As I have spent time with Joshua and Jonathan and watch how they treat their wives, I realize; Dad, WE DID IT! We stopped the erosion of men who didn’t do it right (for a whole lot of reasons).

So, as you think of my ministry and the lives that I am able to touch and make a difference in, and when you look at my children and how they have turned out; please know that you were the ones who made it happen by your choices to follow and seek the only One who could ever make lasting changes in our lives.

 “If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you. By this My Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit; so you will be My disciples.” John 15:7-8

I am so very grateful that each of you has said, and continues to say, “yes” to the will and purposes of the Lord Jesus Christ in your lives.

Thank you.

I love you

 PSALM 127

¹ Unless the LORD builds the house,
         They labor in vain who build it;
         Unless the LORD guards the city,
         The watchman stays awake in vain.
 ² It is vain for you to rise up early,
         To sit up late,
         To eat the bread of sorrows;
         For so He gives His beloved sleep.
 
 ³ Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD,
         The fruit of the womb is a reward.
 ⁴ Like arrows in the hand of a warrior,
         So are the children of one’s youth.
 ⁵ Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them;
         They shall not be ashamed,
         But shall speak with their enemies in the gate.

The Legacy of A Grandpa

 “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,
The fruit of the womb is a reward.
Like arrows in the hand of a warrior,
So are the children of one’s youth.
Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them;
They shall not be ashamed,
But shall speak with their enemies in the gate.” (Psalm 127:3-5 NKJV)

At the time of this writing, Cathy and I have been married together for over 34 years. We have six adult children, two daughters-in-law, two sons-in-law, one granddaughter, and four grandsons. That’s seventeen of us including Cathy and I (and a few more when you add in the ones who are dating). I would say that we have quite a FULL quiver!


In 2011, I was on a journey to discover what I was supposed to do with the rest of my life as a minister. I had been working the past few years “bi-vocationally” and the Lord seemed to be leading me back into “full-time” ministry. 


To be totally transparent, I hadn’t really been thinking about grandchildren being a part of the answer because, although I had one grandchild at that time, I hadn’t seen any connection with her and “ministry”. I was thinking about my call to preach and teach and evangelize and to be a pastor. 


I set aside some time and took a sabbatical to seek the Lord. I had several opportunities that had crossed my mind and my path and I was determined to be wherever I was called to serve. Some of the questions that I pondered were:

• Who can I pour my life into?
• Who can I influence to walk closer to the Lord?
• How will I leave a legacy for those I love?

As I prayed, a passage came to me several times so I paid attention to it. It was Deuteronomy 4:9 which says;  “Only take heed to yourself, and diligently keep yourself, lest you forget the things your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life. And teach them to your children and your grandchildren,” (Deuteronomy 4:9 NKJV)


“Teach them to your children” I had understood that, but, again, I hadn’t really thought about my role to teach them to my grandchildren. I guess I had seen my child rearing days as over and my role as a grandpa was to give them all of the stuff that makes them happy!

 

But after pondering that passage, I came to a conclusion that no matter what I did in “ministry”, I was called to be grandpa. This was as important as my calling to preach and teach and evangelize and to be a pastor. And the conviction was so strong that I knew that it would even affect where we potentially lived as well as where I worked.

 

Ok, I was called, by the Lord, to be a grandpa; but how? I had helped sow seeds of the gospel into my own children, but that was easier because they lived with me and because Cathy and I were on the same page as to how we wanted to raise our children. We, together, pressed in to teach what we’ve seen and heard to our children.

 

But these were not my own children; they were my grandchildren and they didn’t live with us all the time. And, I wanted to be respectful of how my own children are raising their children. I realized that my role in my grandchildren’s lives was not to be taken for granted; it was something that their parents would have to choose to give me.

 

As I pressed into this call, I did practical things like once again get out the children’s books that had been instrumental as we raised our own children in the ways of the Lord. This included both old Bibles that were worn from years of use as well as purchasing some new books that would help sow some seeds for the gospel into the lives of these young ones.

 

But mostly, I would come to understand that it meant spending time with my grandchildren, not “proselytizing”, but loving them and taking care of them. In one sense it would become more “friendship evangelism”. TIME = LOVE and I needed to be someone who simply loved them as I looked for opportunities to tell them about the Lord.

 

As I prayed about what that would look like, I was also reminded of the examples of my dad and Cathy’s dad who both sowed into the lives of my children by spending time with them and praying for them.

 

Also, my maternal grandpa came to mind. His impact on my life is part of the impetus for me to be a good grandpa to my grandchildren; for me to love as I was loved. 

 

I miss my grandpa Richard even right now as I write these words. He was a good man, loving, laughing, and fun to be with. I felt safe with him no matter where we were. I love the smell of the cabin and equally his home that smelled like pipe tobacco and a fireplace. He loved to hunt pheasant and other waterfowl and loved to fish.

 

I remember that I always liked being with him; no matter what we were doing. I remember taking row boat rides with him and sitting in lawn chairs watching water skiers on the Fourth of July. I remember taking walks with him at the lake for many reasons including taking egg shells and coffee grounds to his worm box, looking for mushrooms to eat for breakfast, or simply for him to show me something in nature and teach me about it.

 

I remember sitting alongside of him in the living room of my parent’s house as together we looked through a large picture window at the pond across the street as he pointed out to me the variety of ducks and other wildlife that he was able to see.

 

I remember his workshop in his home and drill press and the smell of “cutting oil”. He always made me feel welcome in his shop. He was an artist who worked in a variety of materials including carving wood, making rings from stones, making sculptures from found objects such as driftwood and walnuts, and from metal.

 

He was, as I look back, one of the first men or persons that I know that I loved and felt loved by. He wore glasses even though he didn’t even need them to be able to see!

 

Occupationally, he was a salesman of some sort; at least that is what I recall that he did because I never really knew him that way; except for the Cadillac that he drove. I simply knew him as a grandpa who took time to be with me and invited me to be with him.

 

My grandpa didn’t tell me about love; he simply loved me as he spent time with me.

 

That would be the legacy that I would give as a grandpa. I would let my grandchildren know about the Lord by being someone who loved them. My commissioning would be to simply love them and take time to be with them, dropping everything else to be available for them.

 

Over these past five years as I have walked out this role as a grandpa to my quiver full of grandchildren (and room for so many more!) I have learned to get into the rhythm of what that means because I am determined to free up my schedule to simply be with them.

 

And yes, sometimes a phone call, text, funeral, wedding, or some other ministry situation has had to take my time, but each and every time I would schedule my time with my grandchildren so that it would not be at their expense. 

 

This means being more spontaneous with each and every opportunity that presents itself; including taking day trips to Lindstrom, Duluth, and Parker’s Prairie (north of Alexandria, MN) to be able to hold each of them and let each of them know that they are loved.

 

This means taking walks or skating or having tea parties or eating ice cream on the porch even when my batteries are drained from pouring out to others who needed ministry earlier in the day.

 

Yes, I am determined to leave a legacy with those who call me grandpa because I am exhorted in the Bible:

 

“Just make sure you stay alert. Keep close watch over yourselves. Don’t forget anything of what you’ve seen. Don’t let your heart wander off. Stay vigilant as long as you live. Teach what you’ve seen and heard to your children and grandchildren.” (Deuteronomy 4:9 MSG)

 

That is how I can fulfill my call by the Lord to be a grandpa.

 

All Scriptures from New King James Version (NKJV) © 1984 Thomas Nelson                    

All Scriptures from The Message (MSG) © 1993 by Eugene H. Peterson