A few weeks ago while in a worship service at church, the Lord "spoke to me" and said; “You will find your bearings; I promise you; you will find them."
For the past two years I felt that I was out of place, lost, displaced, uprooted, removed (and (luxated and ectopic for those of you who read your dictionary on a regular basis). Some of it started a over two years ago when I had sensed that it was time to leave both the place where I was working (for five years) and the church that we had been attending (for over twenty years).
I had spent the season seeking the Lord's face for direction. I had also sought counsel from Cathy, my friends, counselors, therapists, and my board of directors and board of advisers. And now it was time to step out into a place that was uncharted territory.
Simply put, I had lost my bearings and I couldn't find my true north.
To 'lose one's bearings' means to lose sight of or become unable to determine one's orientation, position, or abilities relative to one's surroundings or situation.
I knew that I was still called to be a father to my children and their spouses and a grandfather to their children. I knew that I was called to be a pastor and to preach and equip others and to write; but where and to whom?
On a side note, when a bearing is going out on a car, usually there is a loud noise coming from the tire or wheel of the vehicle. And, if a wheel bearing is missing, it is not recommended you drive the vehicle at all as the wheel can fall off entirely while the vehicle is in motion.
That sounded a lot like me, at least on the inside. And at times on the outside as my anguish came out in short reactions to bad drivers or misunderstandings with Cathy and other minor irritants.
So I filled my time with playing hockey and making guitars and walking and picking up pucks and praying and crying and wandering (seemingly) aimlessly. I worked on projects and traveled and drank a lot of coffee. I applied for many too many jobs; only to get no response...which fed into my sense of lostness.
But I came to realize that I was still seeking identity, validation, and affirmation from circumstances, places, accomplishments, and people; which can lead to a false identity.
Then, while my hands were lifted up in worship of a God who calls Himself Father, I heard His voice deep in my soul; “You will find your bearings; I promise you; you will find them."
Hope arose, for I knew that voice and I had confidence because of His faithfulness to me in the past. I KNEW that somehow I would get to where I needed to be and I could be quiet and not make a loud noise as the lostness of the bearing ground against my soul.
He has been and will be faithful.
In time, at unplanned places (many times and many places) such as at a wedding or while working with a friend, the Lord spoke to me through many voices to encourage me to keep doing what I was doing. To remind me that HE had called me and that HE would get me to where He wanted me to be.
His gifts were without repentance:
"For God’s gifts and his call can never be withdrawn." (Romans 11:29 NLT)
When did I forget that He is the One who holds it all? When did I forget that He is still holding me? He's a Good, Good Father who is still is Lord of All.